Friend Art

Anabelle Lemieux as Lil in Friend Art

May 2016 was quite a month. In the span of 30 days I opened Friend Art, my first New York production of a play. Had a workshop of my musical, Amos and Boris, at the Kennedy Center and a reading of Lodge, a brand new play (an infant play, really) at Primary Stages. These events in any other year would keep me going for months. In answer to the dreaded, "What's next for you?" question I would have used any of them up until there was nothing left to talk about. But having them all happen at the same time was both deliriously exciting and at times, overwhelmingly stressful.

Zoe Chao as Molly and Constantine Maroulis at Nate in Friend Art

Last month I also made the decision not to go back to Man Seeking Woman, the TV job I've had for the past two years. With all of my theater commitments, it would have been too much. I would have spread myself too thin. But it was difficult to say no to something that I both very much enjoyed working on. And also that one week of work on would have paid more than all of my theater gigs combined. But hey, now is the time to make decisions not based on money. In addition, if I'm going to do something, I want to do it well. And I don't know how I could have done all of the above plus a TV staffing job - well. I remain confident in my decision to bow out, but it was not an easy one. 

Cast of Friend Art 

Friend Art was ultimately a very rewarding experience, but it was probably one of the most difficult processes I have experienced as an artist. I have been wanting / waiting for / working towards a New York production of a play since I moved here nine years ago. And even before that if I am considering work that I sent out while still in college. And even before that if I am thinking about the play I wrote and directed about Sylvia Plath for my senior project in high school. And even before that if I am remembering the play I wrote in fourth grade that I forced my friends to rehearse at recess. All to say - I have wanted this for a very long time. I remember feeling raging jealousy when peers of mine talked about how difficult productions were - how challenging for the playwright's delicate psyche. Internally I would think, 'you're soft' and there's no way it's as difficult as being passed over as it is to having your work produced. And while I still feel there is some truth to the latter, the former is hard in a different way. It's a more visceral anxiety. I never cried when I received rejections or when I was told a theater had chosen another play instead of mine. But during tech for Friend Art there was definitely a moment where I went to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall and let a single tear roll down my cheek. I've heard there are playwrights who do much worse. But for me, that much emotion in a professional environment, even if I was hiding it well from others, was very out of character and more publicly vulnerable that I am comfortable being. I described the process of seeing the play being put together but not yet polished or gelled (something that happens at a certain stage of every production) as full body embarrassment. 

Aaron Costa Ganis as Kevin and Anabelle in Friend Art

But I did come to be very proud of the production my collaborators and I made. And though reviews are hard to read (and I do not yet have the temperament not to read them). And though my play softballs insults to critics (can't think of an original quip to describe your dissatisfaction you can easily just call Friend Art Friend Art). I wish we would have extended but that's the way these things go. The thing I am choosing to take away from the experience is the real encouragement and recognition I received from my artistic peers. They are the people this play is about and who it's for. While I'm sure not all of those people liked it, the ones who've sent me emails describing how they relate to the play and what it meant to them are enough for me - and that's what, in a very meta way, the whole play is about anyway. So it doesn't matter if people thought my play was Friend Art, because it is - everything at this level is. And if you continue to have friends and continue to make art, everything you do will always be, regardless of levels of success reached. And the fact that so many of my friends came to see my "Friend Art" - people from out of town, family members, people I haven't seen in years - meant so much to me. 

I am looking forward to going to the play two more times next week, seeing how it's grown since opening and then closing the "first production in New York" chapter of my life and moving on to the next, surrounded by my friends.